When I was expecting Hudson, I had the usual fears and worries about parenthood. I never, ever expected our journey in parenthood to begin the way it did and life in 2014 surely threw us some major curveballs. But you know what? We’re still here. We’re smiling, we’re together and we’re stronger than ever. Hudson has filled this void in our lives that we didn’t even realize was there. He’s our breath of fresh air and his personality and smile make my day..every. single. day
But a curveball that was thrown at us at the end of November was that Hudson was diagnosed with an early fusion of the metopic suture. What that means is the frontal plates of his skull fused earlier than they should and his brain can no longer grow forward the way it needs to. It won’t inhibit his brains growth but it could lead to a head shape deformity, pressure, migraines, eye problems..the list went on.
We were told we needed to make the decision on his surgery within a week as they like to do them before babies are a year old (bones only get harder as we grow) and Hudson turns one this Sunday (Jan 11th). The surgery would have Hudson put under for 3 hours. An incision would be made in his hair line from one ear to the other and it would involve the removal of his skull so they can break the fuse, reshape it and finally, replace it. He may require multiple blood transfusions and would be so swollen he may not be able to see for a couple of days.
It was a heartbreaking & shocking appointment. We went in to check on his lip (which was fine!) and came out with a major cranial surgery looming over our heads. That silent, tearful walk to the truck that day will forever be etched on my heart.
Since then we have done our research and asked multiple doctors and family members their opinion. Our confidence has grown in our decision to go ahead with the surgery and I am hopeful that everything will be okay. But I would definitely be lying if I told you I wasn’t scared. So many fears have crept up on me. My baby and cranial surgery, how did this happen?
So here we..his surgery is happening Wednesday and I am reaching out and asking you keep my little boy in your hearts this week. We know what to expect from our research and we know it’s going to be hard. But we also know that Hudson is strong, so so SO strong and he is surrounded by a huge support group to help pull him through. The light for me in this dark time is knowing he won’t remember any of it. Not the needles or the pain or the days of being so swollen he won’t be able to see. And I am so thankful for that
And on top of his strength? I know that babies are resilient. He will (hopefully) be back to his smiley, giggly self within a week and that lightens the nerves we have right now. Hudson will be in the PICU for 3-5 days and then we’ll be released on Tylenol (wow). It’s amazing and it’s terrifying what they can do these days!
So my friends? Please.. Please pray for Hudson as we embark this week on the scariest thing we have encountered in our first year as parents. Keep Hudson in your heart and your thoughts this week as he goes under and recovers..I can’t tell you enough how much we’d appreciate it.
Tomorrow we say goodbye to our current year. We flip the page on the calendar and BOOM! It’s a fresh start, a blank slate..it’s the beginning of anything we want
2014 was not my favourite year, not by a looooooong shot. Yes, it gave us our sweet baby boy [and for that I am immensely grateful] but this year was a struggle for me in many, many ways.
Soo..hello 2015 and a happy [happy] goodbye to you, 2014!!
I was recently texting with a dear friend of mine about 2015 and how it was “feeling” to me [is that a concept you ever use?] I was mentioning that, although we are facing something huge in January, I otherwise feel really good about this coming year. When I think about it, I feel like it will be a year of calm, a year of happiness..and maybe somewhat a year of ‘normalcy’, which is something I have missed these last couple of years..
My intentions for the new year are to just ‘be’ and let the year take me to wherever it is I am supposed to be. It’s time for this free spirit to fly again
I feel that the way you approach a new year mentally [or anything in life for that matter] truly sets the tone for how things will play out for you. When I envision this coming year? I see warm sunshine, laughter that comes from deep in the belly, big moments with our little man, travel, connections in our relationships, growth, beautiful photos to capture..I see joy and light and beautiful, beautiful things. And while I know full well that not everything we face will be joyful or beautiful..I am choosing to see the good
When I look to the new year I see my sons first steps, I hear his first true words that he himself recognizes, I see him walking in the garden with me [and maybe terrorizing a chicken or two, sorry ladies]. I see him explore his world on his own two feet and my heart bursts just thinking about it.
What I see in 2015 is real life..I see joy and tears, sorrow and happiness. I see myself settling into this new life we have going on and finally being more comfortable with it. We are facing something scary in January that I will share someday soon but for now, I want to focus on all the good because there is so much good going on too
I hope you are approaching your new year with some solid intentions of your own as well. Not all years have to have big goals..some years are truly just to be and to dwell in the possibility of what it could be
and that’s a pretty beautiful thing..
I am blogging a Project Life spread, can you believe it?!? Its a Christmas miracle!! Haha
I have been terrible about sharing my weekly spreads on the blog and I promise I will try harder with my 2015 album to share (that starts next week already, isn’t that crazy?!) Anyways..we have been looking thru the album lately and, even though I am pretty far behind in my spreads, it brings us so much joy to sit down as a family and look through our year!
Today I am sharing last weeks (Week 51) spread that I just completed (and absolutely LOVE!) its festive and full of my little man..so to me, perfection 😉 Enjoy!!
Here is the 2 page spread with both inserts:
this week we split our time between the farm and my hometown as we spent the long weekend with my family, celebrating our christmas together..
here is the 2 page spread with the inserts removed:
a closer look at the left hand side page:
and the right hand side page:
for my first insert, I cut a page protector in half and just used the 3 – 3×4 slots to put in each of our first christmas photos with Santa! I love this so much, seeing all three of us together. I think I will still put a small label on each photo to identify us and our years but, for now I just wrote it on the photo for the blog!
for the second insert, I used a 5×7 of Hudson after his nap that I just loved and had to include
and the back of the insert is a photo of Hudson and my nieces, after they exchanged their Christmas presents to each other on Sunday..I so, so SO love seeing these three together!!
I have many weeks to catch up on for our 2014 album but I am so motivated now that I have been able to keep caught up throughout November and December! This album starts with our first week on January, waiting on baby..and ends with him celebrating his first Christmas..such a special year to capture in one place.
Now today, my mom is on her way to the farm and Santa will be on his way tonight to deliver goodies to all the good boys and girls..Merry Christmas everyone..
as many of you may recall, back in October my little family made a road trip down to Washington for me to attend a Wildflowers Workshop with none other than *the* Joy Prouty. Her talents have blown me away for years now and it was a complete honour to sit in her living room with a dozen other women, all who inspired me in so many ways. I haven’t written anything about those days I spent there, and I don’t know if its because I just don’t really have the words to describe my experience or if its because what happened there was so incredible that I just want to keep it as an experience all for myself..
What I *do* know, however, is that those women I met on October 1, 2014..I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Women, Moms, Photographers, Entrepreneurs…I sat next to them and listened to their stories and their heartbreaks as well as their victories.. and they listened to mine. and for the first time in a long time, I believed in the beauty of people again.
I spent 2 whole days away from my duties as a wife and a mother and just focused on what I love..photography. It was eye opening, heart wrenching and just plain good for the soul. The beauty that surrounds Joy’s homestead was like a wave of inspiration, everywhere you looked was a spot begging to be snuggled with or even photographed..it made me think so much about our own farm and what I want to have it become. But more importantly..it made me question myself and my art. What I wanted to do with this gift and how I wanted to tell my stories and those who come before my lens…seriously powerful stuff came out of it.
those questions and those conversations and experiences are sitting with me, stirring up something beautiful in my heart and I plan to carry it with me into the new year and see where it grows. But for now, I will take you to the magical dahlia patch that Joy took us to. It was her secret location and we picked dahlias, took photos, laughed, hugged and said our goodbyes. We wiped tears away as we said we’d keep in touch (and we have!) and I honestly cannot wait to see these women again soon and give them a big hug..
So here is a small peek, from Washington with love..
many of the homesteads in Washington had stands outside their homes, offering produce and flowers with honour systems..pick what you want and they trust you to pay for it. Such a beautiful thing in these times and I wish I saw this here in our neck of the woods..
{note to self: grow more DAHLIAS in 2015!!}
I want to do something with all of these photos, just not sure what yet! Photobook? Wall hanging? Gosh the location was just so beautiful and these ladies..ah, make my day
and of course the icing to this already fabulous cake was meeting Joy. Her words, her thoughts..she is a true artist and she believed in every single one of us. She spoke some hard truths that cut right into the thick of it and I left feeling that, somehow, things were just at they were meant to be and that to see that, to *know* that..is both calming and so very beautiful. It has changed my view thru my lens and the gratefulness I feel for that could never be explained..
and to finish off my daydream of a day..my boys came to pick me up and take me home. But not before I let my little love sit amongst the flowers and take it all in..
“perhaps this is the moment for which you have been created.”
– Esther 4.14
The Winter solstice is upon us and many are hunkering down for a long winter ahead. Farmers and gardeners alike are grateful for the rest after a long & busy Summer/harvest. For the first time in 4 years, I wasn’t sad at all to pull out my garden and throw it on the compost pile. It was a weird growing year and hard to keep up with when I had a new baby that needed me. It was a year of change for sure. Change in garden locations, change in growing conditions (both in the garden and in the field), change of priorities and change in ourselves as we grew into parenthood. Yes, if I had to sum up 2014 in one word it would definitely be change.
I fought it hard..I hate change. I picked it apart and dissected my thoughts towards it all and my mood was all over the place. 2014, you were hard. The high of giving birth to our beautiful baby boy gave way to frustrations and questions and guilt and then the waves of grief quietly rolled in, gently at first and then some came crashing in. I still remember the night I walked into the kitchen and a wave of grief hit me so hard it took my breath away in an instant. When you don’t have a new baby to anticipate, it’s funny how quickly the grief you skipped over when you lose your dad trickles in.
I cannot honestly sit here and tell you I have fully healed and am in a 100% better place yet. But what I *can* tell you is, I have learned a lot. I have grown. I have allowed myself to feel everything and to let things sit before I work on them. I have found my passions and I have commited my life to these passions and this life here on our farm..this place is my bliss and my blessing in life
And with that in mind, I have opened my heart to 2015. I am not going to plan it or make it be the best I have ever had. Instead, I am going to let it be the year that takes me to wherever I need to be. I need to heal and to grow and to nurture..and that’s exactly what 2015 will be. A year of hope. A year of simple joy. 2015 will be about nurturing my son, my marriage, myself, my art, my garden..and I find that so deeply comforting..
so today, while my boys are taking a much needed nap..I am enjoying the quiet time curled up with a cup of hot coffee and pouring over the newest seed catalogues to hit our mailbox..planning, dreaming…hoping..
« Older posts
Newer posts
|
Mary Palumbo Collings - Your beautiful baby boy will be in the hands of wonderful doctors , i’m sure! I can imagine how scared you both must be, but know that I, and certainly many others along with your loved ones will be praying for and thinking of your sweet little one …
Dawn Cosgrove - Thank you so much Mary! Your sweet comment means the world to us!
Lynette Jacobs - Dawn we will pray for little Hudson and trust that the Lord will have him in the palm of His hand for the entire operation. Praying for you toomfor strength through this time xx
Dawn Cosgrove - Lynette, thank you so much for this!!!
Lynette Jacobs - Dawn…please read Psalm 91 over your little Hudson xx
LetticiaRose - I will be praying for little Hudson!
Dawn Cosgrove - Thank you so so much!!
Joyce Peterson - Will be praying that God gives the surgeons exceptional skill and wisdom while performing the operation; that He would provide kind and caring staff to care for Hudson during his hospital stay; that He would surround you and Adam with His love, comfort and peace as you prepare for and wait through the surgery; and that Hudson will not only emerge from it all successfully, but that once his recovery is complete, he will THRIVE! Love and hugs to all of you!
Dawn Cosgrove - Joyce…thank you, thank you, thank you! I’ll write you tomorrow as promised!!
Kristi McDermott (Gordon) - Thinking of you guys! I’m sure he’ll pull like the trooper his is, but you must be terriffed. You both have a family that’s here to support you and we’ll be thinking of you guys on Wednesday. If you’re having the surgery in Calgary and need an escape, please feel free to call us and come over for tea. Love to all three of you, xo
Dawn Cosgrove - Wrote you back!!! Xox
Linda Gale - Hi mommy daddy and grandparents
Please know we will pray for Hudson asking that each professional do their work with the goal being a quick recovery of your little sweetie. Trust you are stronger than you ever thought you could be. With love Linda and Stan gale
dawn - Hello Dawn, he is so cute in this picture! I see both you and Adam in him and he’s getting so big. You know I’m praying friend, thankful for the doctors we have and how much they know now. He will be in safe hands and in God’s hands healing him. He will be back to his cute little ways in no time. Take care of yourself so you stay strong and healthy for him and the next week of care. Love and hugs for all of you!! xo
Anonymous - We’ve been praying for you and for Hudson, and we’ll be holding him in prayer especially tomorrow and the days following. Love from the Toeckes Family
Dawn Cosgrove - Thank you so much Denise!
Linda - Oh My gosh, you all are in my thoughts, wish i could help in some way.Will be thinking of you all week and stalking IG.