The Farmgirl Diaries

I couldn’t sleep last night. I got a good 4.5 hours in before Jakey woke me up having to go to the bathroom, {he’s a very good dog and never wakes me up unless its an emergency}, so I got up and let him out then came back to bed when he was finished and laid there, staring out the window at a pitch black starry sky and let my mind wander…

And, although I knew my body needed rest, my mind was awake so I dragged myself out of bed, enjoyed a nice hot shower, made coffee and sat in our living room staring at our Christmas tree. It was a moment of pure bliss for me. The soft lights, twinkling in the dark and the quiet that surrounded me was needed and it was so very welcomed.

To me, the Christmas tree has always been magical. From the moment its dragged out of its hiding spot to the first time the lights are flicked on right up until its taken down for another year..it holds so much power that sometimes I can’t help but sit and stare at it. And thats exactly what I did this morning. My family is going thru a hard time this year with my dads illness and his still being in the hospital so close to the holidays has taken away quite a bit of the sparkle of the season for us – but its still a beloved holiday, and for that, I’m thankful.

And, while sitting under the tree, staring at it for a few hours enjoying the peace I felt..my mind got to wandering again. This time, I thought about the experience of Christmas as a child. Yes, in many ways I haven’t changed much since then..I still “believe” in Santa, I still get excited to see the first Christmas commercial of the year, Christmas carols are played often {and thru out the year!} and I’m always so giddy at the thought of Christmas Eve and the magic that occurs thru out the world. But, Christmas is different as a child. It holds so many wonderful memories for me and I love how little things bring back those feelings..

For instance, often times my farmer will ask me to tell him a story about my childhood {we have so many conversations like this} and I delve in to my memory bank and conjure up some of the best stories. Recently, I told him about a particular Christmas when my brother and I fell asleep, anxiously awaiting Santa’s arrival, and we awoke to a noise. We were so excited as we quickly yet quietly snuck upstairs to see if Santa had been to our house yet. When we looked in our living room, the lights were off but we saw Santa bent over, surely he was emptying his sack?! We raced back down to our bedroom and tried so hard to fall asleep before Santa knew we were awake. And in the morning, our stockings were stuffed and the cookies and milk were gone..
To this day, both Curtis & I maintain our stories of what we “saw” while mom laughs, saying it must have been dad checking on something…but its the little moments like those that make Christmas so special as a child.

And so while Christmas this year has lost some of its luster..I will hold on to these memories and to the knowledge that next year, when Christmas comes around, I’ll be ready for it. But, for now? I’ll keep sitting and staring at the tree. I’ll keep walking thru the yard and enjoying the exterior lights we put up that are now covered in snow and I’ll keep watching favorite Christmas movies that make me feel all warm n cozy inside. Tonights movie? A classic from my childhood – one that I loved from the age of 5… its One Magic Christmas. And if you have yet to see this movie – please do so this holiday season!!