The Farmgirl Diaries

They are starting to take the Christmas decorations down here around the hospital. I noticed it as I walked passed all the units to grab a change of clothing for Adam & I. To me, it was a symbol of putting December away for the year..a month of fears and worries and finally moving on to a bright new year. It made me utterly hopeful. I have been feeling overwhelmed these last few days..the weight off our shoulders has given me time to relax and finally feel all the emotions properly. I can’t tell you how lucky I feel. Everything has gone so smoothly, the doctors and nurses have been amazingly kind to all of us and each time I grab my phone, it’s filled with messages of love and support. I truly don’t know how we became so blessed.

Last night was another good night for us. Hudson’s swelling had peaked and he looked something out of a movie. It breaks my heart to see him like this bit it amazes me how well he is handling it! Can you imagine waking up with a searing pain in your skull and not being able to see or communicate anything? How would you handle it? I guarantee you I wouldn’t have a tenth of the grace Hudson has. He’s resilient and strong and blows me away at every cornerstone.

We had another super night shift nurse who worked swiftly and quietly and barely woke us each time she came in to check on Hudson. Hudson only cried if he was being bugged by a nurse a little too much but mostly he would sleep or quietly play with his eeyore. At one check in, the nurse found Hudson on his belly, at the end of the crib! Our boy is coming back to us 😉

This morning Hudson has been sitting up and playing lots. His eyes are starting to open a little bit and he’s able to see us again and follow us around the room. He’s eating solids a little at a time and being spoiled on apple juice often. Babies, you guys…are simply amazing!

It seems as though every hour Hudson’s swelling has reduced little by little. By 11:30, you could see both eyes, slivers still but it was the baby blues none the less! He wanted to sit up and play and loved following us around with his eyes, taking in the room for the first time ever.

After lunch, the last of his lines were finally removed! Gone was the morphine and the endless beeps of monitors, our boy was free at last! First thing we did was put one of his favourite sleepers from home on him and carry him to the window to look out unto the world. Ever so slowly we are feeling normal again and it makes me want to burst with happiness!

At lunch today, Adam and I sat and talked about everything we have gone thru in our short 3.5 years of marriage and when we asked each other if we knew then what we know now, would we have chosen differently? The answer was a resounding NO. Our life is real. It’s imperfect and messy and beautiful..it’s ours and every day it leaves us feeling exhausted but happy..and isn’t that what life should be about? Facing the obstacles head on and focusing on what’s good and right.

As I write this, Adam is singing Hudson to sleep and the hospital is silent. Rumours are floating of a possible discharge tomorrow already and, although caring for him on our own does worry us a bit, I am so so excited to get him home and on to the road of recovery. 2015…we are ready!

ETA: Hudson went down for a nap around 5:00 pm and Adam and I headed down for supper while grandma stood watch. When we arrived back up in our room, we were greeted by a much wider eyed boy who was playing, smiling and intent to see everything he could. Tonight has been such a turnaround point in our journey. He’s now on Tylenol every 4 hours and Advil every 6..that’s it! Major cranial surgery 2 days ago and my boy is thriving on Tylenol..wow

Now he’s settling in for the evening, curious to see how the night goes as it’ll be his first without morphine (or monitors!) the nurse will be in at midnight & 4 am but won’t have to wake him so, here we go! The end of day 3 and all I can say is this journey has been amazing and humbling. Here’s to hopefully being released tomorrow before his FIRST BIRTHDAY on Sunday!!

Well, we are in the thick of the swelling and the little man is handling things way better than I ever imagined possible! Last night was pretty good overall, Hudson woke up every couple of hours either wanting a bit more medication or really, just wanting to kick and move and have a little late night party! How he is handling the pain is indescribable, my boy really is a trooper!! This morning we were up and the swelling was really starting to show. Hudson could still open his eyes but his facial features were getting wider by the hour. When the nurse offered for me to hold him, I didn’t hesitate. Nothing would make me happier than calming him down in my own arms
We settled into a recliner and, within minutes, Hudson was asleep and finally peaceful. Knowing I could provide that kind of comfort to him was all I needed today. By this point though, Hudson’s swelling had increased enough that he could now barely see and was going more by sound and touch. He’d fixate on things he could see through the slits of his eyes and he started revealing bits and pieces of his usual personality, almost to let us know that he was still in there, still with us.

Shortly after we were settled, we were notified that they had a bed for us up on the neuro post op floor and began the process of moving him from one crib to another and taking us upstairs. I was ecstatic to see we had yet another private room, this time with our own bathroom (and shower) and a window.. Finally we could witness the outside world again!! When Hudson (hopefully) opens his eyes again tomorrow, I cannot wait to show him our view of the mountains!!

As for the rest of the day, it was pretty quiet and went by fairly quickly. Hudson slept for most of the day or else played with his feet and found his favourite stuffy, eeyore was waiting in his crib to snuggle with. The pain meds are still low and steady and the nurses expect his swelling to peak tomorrow and hopefully by the end of the day he’ll be able to see us again!

Once his swelling dissipates, the morphine will be cut back steadily and we’ll be looking at a releasal possibly Saturday already, if not then Sunday..which we’d consider either one a birthday gift to the little guy himself 😉

Other than that..nothing much to report! The surgeon came in and was very happy with Hudson’s progress as are all the nurses who get to come in and be entertained by our little mans grunts and squeals. It’s hard for us to see him like this, he is so swollen he is barely recognizable. Feeling so grateful for his little gestures that show us he’s still here with us, just hidden under layers of fluid and swollen skin.

I can’t tell you how lucky we feel. Maybe that’s an odd comment coming from parents sleeping at a hospital with our baby but, it’s true! We are the luckiest people alive today..our boy flew through his surgery and is now recovering like a pro! We have a huge support group around us and with us and a family that loves Hudson and us fiercely. What more could anyone want?

Thank you all again for your love and support..you have no idea what it has meant to us!

I will post photos of this week once we are home on the farm again. For some reason blogger for iPhone isn’t up to par these days and not allowing photos to be posted!!

You guys..we made it through to the other side of surgery today! Words cannot express how grateful I am for each and every one of you. Your messages, your thoughts,  your prayers…all of it. The build up to this day was excruciating. The research, the appointments, the fears, the guilt..and then last night a peace came over us..we felt calm for the first time since November. We trusted our team of doctors and we knew there was nothing more we could do but believe it would all be okay.

Hudson’s surgery was scheduled for 8:30 am with us to arrive at 6:30. We didn’t sleep all that well but better than expected and were anxiously on our way out the door by 5:30. Upon our arrival and admittance, everything moved very quickly! We waited in the holding area for about 45 mins before the Porter came to take us into the surgery holding suite. We said goodbye to our support crew of grandmas and aunties and I carried my little man in. The nerves were full and it took everything I had to keep the tears from falling in front of my baby. I was blown away by Hudson’s team! Not only did surgery start at 8 am (earlier than expected), but the ENTIRE team stood there, waiting for us! The surgeons, the nurses, the anesthesiologist ..they all came to is and eased our worries, answered our questions and made it as easy as possible!

The time came to hand Hudson over for surgery and I could feel the tears welling up inside. All my fears were coming out at rapid pace ..the moment I had dreaded was here.. despite my best efforts I began to cry in front of Hudson when I saw him start to cry as they took him away from me. It was as if my heart had been ripped out from my chest to see him go away. I left that room in a daze with my husbands arms around me as the tears began to fall..

What happened next was the waiting game..a mixture of happy conversation and endless staring at the screen for an update on Hudson’s progress. The surgery took just under 4 hours and both the surgeons came out to sit with us and answer any questions we had after they informed us that Hudson had breezed through his surgery like a champ. No blood transfusions yet, no problems..he was waking up and would be in the ICU within the hour!

Tears fell again for us but these were different..tears of joy and relief and all of a sudden a huge, huge weight lifted from our shoulders. We did it. Our little boy made it and we were finally on the other side. What a beautiful day it turned out to be 😉

The first glance we got of our son, I was nervous to round that corner yet, once again, blown away by his progress! There were no bandages, no steri-strips..just a beautiful incision from one ear to the other and a perfectly rounded head! He was asleep and looked angelic to us..my beautiful, beautiful boy!

Since we first saw him at 1:00, we have watched him sleep, open his eyes and engage with us a little, he’s fussed a little but mostly out of hunger and is drinking a mixture of pedialyte and apple juice for now (and loving it!!) his swelling is slowly increasing, poor guy looks a bit like a pumpkin but still drinking , still watching us with calm eyes and even gave us a little smile tonight!! So, so proud of my little boy and cannot believe his utter strength! The night nurse tonight is so sweet and looking after us in the best way possible, even waived the “one parent through the night” rule and pulled in a recliner for Adam!!

So here we are, the end of Day 1 and couldn’t be happier. When Hudson cries, his voice is hoarse from the breathing tube but he’s still our boy. He’s still here..his head may look different but my Hudson is still here. Thank god for that!!

We’re turning in for the night, hoping Hudson can get a good nights sleep (as well as a good sleep for us!) I will be back tomorrow to update you all on our Day 2 (which we are expecting to be a little rougher with the swelling and pain) so again..thank you all so much for your kindness and comfort you have provided us these last few days..no words could ever express our gratitude!!

Talk about a roller coaster ride of emotions!! We made it safely to Calgary amidst a blizzard and very poor visibility..happy to be here safely and all together. Hudson went in for blood work first and did as awesome as could be expected. His veins are small and hard to find so it took the lab techs quite some time to find a valid vein then they pulled only 1 vial and had to do it all over again in the other arm. But my brave warrior made it thru with just a few tears..so so proud